Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize