pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
