what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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