I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
