dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
