youre lurking in front of me
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
