oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
