Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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