Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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