that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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