I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
