im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
