she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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