you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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