I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
as a side note pls kill me
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize