honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
