We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
