then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
