Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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