I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
