You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
