So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm sobbing to NWA
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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