I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
And then he peed in my hair
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