come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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