FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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