somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
