I love black thongs
Sponge bath it is.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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