i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Hippo gnu deer
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Every concussion has its silver lining
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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