it was like a zeppelin in a condom
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
