She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
