My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
