You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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