addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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