i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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