my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
