Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
