I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
