She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
