friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
