morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize