we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I think I sprained my soul last night
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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