they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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