sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
