Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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