I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
