My nipple is on Facebook.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
