just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
