so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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