everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize