i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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