tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Pooping to opera.
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