my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
