After last night, I could never be a politician.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
