New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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