Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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