We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
