just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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