just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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