i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
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