Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
