She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
