Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
