Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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