i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
