I like to think it a success when the cops are called
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
