I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
