So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
