No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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