Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
