you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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