i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
