so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
