i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize