how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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