Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
