his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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