If that was your dad, he is hot
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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