I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
