I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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