you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
only you would photoshop your dick
pop tarts are not kleenex
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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