Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
